Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
