Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
