Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
