I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
