1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
