She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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