Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if only i could text you this smell
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
