He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
