The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
