Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
