I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
