why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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