Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
