this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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