then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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