I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
