all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
