OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
