Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
