maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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