Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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