So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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