Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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