I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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