Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
