dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
