the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
