we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
