do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
