i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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