HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I'm really busy with my period
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