Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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