was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
