Yo dont text me then not text me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
