Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
