is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
