Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
