Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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