On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
This toilet bowl is my home.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
