life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
