At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
