perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
