matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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