I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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