He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
