im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Houston, we have a squirter
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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