I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
