Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
