It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
