the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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