Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I bet he comes in French.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
