I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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